Relationships & family~20 minFamily systems
Patterns I grew up with
Look at the unspoken rules and roles in your family, what you learned from them, and what you want to keep or change.
Every family has unspoken rules about feelings, conflict, money and substances. Many people who grew up around addiction or chaos learned rules like 'don't talk, don't trust, don't feel', as counselor Claudia Black put it. Noticing the patterns you inherited — a core idea in family systems work — lets you choose which ones to pass on.
If this brings up painful memories, take breaks, and consider exploring it with a counselor.
1. Unspoken rules in the family I grew up in
Don't talk about Dad's drinking. Don't cry. Keep the peace…
2. Roles I played — the responsible one, the peacemaker, the funny one, the invisible one, the problem…
3. What I learned about feelings and conflict
4. What I learned about money, drinking, food or using
5. Where these patterns show up in my life now
6. What I want to keep from my family
7. What I want to stop with me
8. One small way I'll practice a new pattern this week