12-step work~10 minRepeat any time12-step
Step 4: relationships inventory
One entry per relationship: how you acted, who was hurt, what was driving you — and what you want from here on.
The third part of a traditional Step 4 looks at conduct in relationships — especially romantic and sexual ones — because that's where selfishness, dishonesty and fear often do the most damage. Looking at your own behavior (not theirs) shows what you want your relationships to be from here on.
Step work is best done with a sponsor or mentor. This is a private place to prepare — share it with them when you're ready. Write about how you acted — not intimate details, and nothing that identifies anyone else. Who you are and whom you love aren't defects; this is about how you treated people. Harm done to you isn't your part. If you're afraid of someone or being hurt, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is free and confidential 24/7: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. In an emergency, call 911.
1. The relationship (initials are fine)
2. How I acted — where I put myself first, hid the truth, or didn't think about them
3. Who was hurt, and how
4. What was driving me
Check any that apply
5. Where I caused distrust or hurt they didn't deserve — and what part of it was mine
6. What I'd do differently now
7. What I want my relationships to be like from here on — my own ideal, in my own words
8. Does this belong on my amends list (Step 8)?