Grief & loss~20 minGrief therapyContinuing bonds
A letter to the one I lost
Write the letter you'd send if you could — what you're grateful for, sorry for, and how you'll carry them with you.
Unsent letters and imagined conversations are widely used in grief therapy (Neimeyer; Shear's treatment for prolonged grief). Research on 'continuing bonds' (Klass, Silverman & Nickman) finds that staying connected to who you lost — in a new way — is a normal part of grieving, and a comfort for many.
If the death was sudden or violent — an overdose, a suicide, an accident — you don't need to write about how it happened; that's best worked through with a grief or trauma counselor. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 988.
1. Dear…
2. What I remember and love about you
3. What I'm grateful for
4. What I'm sorry for, or wish had been different
5. What I forgive you for, or hope you'd forgive me for
Only if it fits. Not every relationship was simple.
6. What's happened since you've been gone
7. How I'll carry you with me — values, traditions, things you taught me
8. If they could write back, what might they say?
Optional. Some people find this comforting; skip it if it doesn't feel right.