How do I set boundaries without cutting someone off?
From the RecoveryHome team. We write some questions from situations people often ask us about, and answer them with general information from public health sources. Been through this yourself? Your answer could help the next person who finds this page. How we write team posts
RH
RecoveryHome team Team
asked 2 days ago
Families are often told to "set boundaries" but worry it means pushing their loved one away. What does a healthy boundary actually look like?
RH
RecoveryHome team Team
answered 2 days ago · general information, not medical advice
A boundary is about what you will do, not what they must do. It protects you and your home while keeping the relationship open.
Examples:
- "I won't give you cash, but I'll pay your phone bill directly."
- "I'm happy to talk, but not when you've been using. I'll hang up and call you tomorrow."
- "You can't use or keep drugs in this house."
- "I'll drive you to an appointment any time."
Tips:
- Decide your boundaries when you're calm, not in the middle of a crisis.
- Say them once, clearly and kindly. Long explanations invite debate.
- Follow through every time. Inconsistent boundaries are confusing for everyone.
- Pair boundaries with warmth. Approaches such as CRAFT, which have good research support, combine clear limits with connection and keep the invitation to help open.
A counselor who works with families can help you choose boundaries you can actually keep.
Read more: Helping someone who says no
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