Husband relapsed after 6 months sober — what do I do tonight?

Question

He came home and I could tell immediately. I don't know if I should confront him now or wait until morning. The kids are asleep. He did six months — the longest ever — and I feel like I'm back at square one. I'm so angry and so scared at the same time. What do I actually DO tonight?

CarolJ · Accepted Answer

First: you are not back at square one. He learned six months of sobriety is possible — that knowledge doesn't vanish. Tonight, you don't have to fix anything. Keep yourself and the kids safe, don't start the conversation while he's impaired (it only produces things you'll both regret), and try to sleep. Tomorrow, when he's sober, one sentence: "I love you, and I need you to call your counselor today." His recovery is his job. Yours is you and those kids. Al-Anon saved me — literally the people in that room taught me everything I just typed. You did the right thing posting.

MikeT_74 · Answer

The relapsed husband here, a few years ago. What I needed (and didn't deserve that night): no screaming match at 11pm. What got me back into treatment was my wife saying almost exactly what CarolJ wrote. Six months matters. Relapse is a chapter, not the book.

NewLeaf_Linda · Answer

Just want to add: eat something and drink some water tonight. It sounds silly, but you can't think straight running on adrenaline. And if you ever feel unsafe, 988 is for you too, not just for him.